We knew we had a problem when my husband put his foot through the roof of our house last summer. What we didn’t know is we’d be selling our house of 19 years – not something we had ever considered. But sell we did.
It should be noted that the hole in the roof has been repaired. Nonetheless, it started a series of difficult conversations about the practicality of putting a lot of money into our 51-year old house, which brings us to where we are now – packing boxes.
This process, and it’s not over yet, is loaded with lessons and stories. The story I want to share is about trust, beginning with the “For Sale” sign that went up on our lawn. As we had a steady stream of potential buyers and an offer to purchase on the first day our house was listed, with a second offer a few days later, we didn’t have much time to change our minds or test the market. And the speed with which the sale happened certainly had us raising questions.
“Are we crazy to sell this house?” We trusted our gut feelings.
“Did we price it too low?” We trusted our realtor.
“Have we got horseshoes?” We trusted that we did.
The answers didn’t matter much as the “SOLD” sign went up anyway. We had to trust that all was right. And with no house to go to, we consciously chose to trust that the right house was out there – somewhere. This was no small thing.
We trusted roofers, realtors, buyers and potential buyers, sellers, house inspectors, financial planners, lawyers – many of whom bring lengthy, legal documents in which we’re not exactly well versed. If we couldn’t trust them we couldn’t move forward – north, south, east or west – could we? So far, so good.
How do you feel about trust? Does it come easily to you or are you likely to grit your teeth and hold on tight? Whether it’s our nature or past experience that prevents us from trusting, we often dismiss just how trusting we really are in our daily lives.
Just think – every time you get in a car you trust that stop signs and traffic lights will be obeyed, that your brakes will function, that the bridge beneath you will hold. You trust that the roof of your house will shed water, that your family will come home safe, that your credit card and personal info will be used only as intended every single time you give it.
Whether you acknowledge it or not, you are continuously trusting or you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning. Consciously or subconsciously, we have a tendency to remember every time we’ve been wronged or every trust that has been broken. How about noticing all the experiences and transactions that have turned out for you?
If you have difficulty trusting, perhaps it’s because you feel the need to be in control. Trying to control people, outcomes and situations is fruitless and painful. Control is an illusion. It’s a story we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night.
How about adopting a story that everything will unfold as it should? That’s where you will find peace. It’s better to make wise, conscious choices and trust that all will work out. And, it usually does.
When you feel yourself becoming rigid, anxious or stressed know that you might be trying to hold on too tight, controlling something or someone. It may show up as pain in your body, worry or unbecoming behavior. Ask yourself, “In whom, or in what, do I need to trust?” Heed the response. Remember all the ways and times you’ve trusted before and came out unscathed.
Trust comes from spirit or heart. It takes a little faith – belief without evidence. The need to control comes from your head, your thinking, or your ego, which is about protecting your self-image. And it’s most certainly rooted in some kind of fear. As Deepak Chopra says, “If you didn’t have fear you wouldn’t need to control.”
Try to identify the fear, then practice:
• Letting go
You can do it. This is not about giving up. It’s about doing what you can and letting go of the rest. It’s about trusting in the universe. That feels a lot better than a white-knuckle ride, don’t you think? Consequently, it’s also much better for your overall health. Trust me.
Moving is kind of like giving birth – once it’s over you forget about the pain or you wouldn’t do it again.
Yes, there has been pain and excitement. I’m looking forward to possession day. Our offer to purchase was just finalized this morning. We have a house! Now, if only I can keep old lead boots off the roof . . .